Because picking three candles and a throw pillow is apparently a museum-worthy act.

People Who Use the Word “Curate” Unironically

Ah, the word “curate”–once reserved for museum professionals with gloves and PhDs, now casually wielded by anyone arranging cheese slices or playlist tracks.

1. They don’t decorate, they “curate immersive aesthetic experiences.” Of course, it’s mostly eucalyptus and IKEA.

2. Their fridge isn’t stocked–it’s “curated with local, seasonal energy-balancing produce.” Also, oat milk.

3. They curate outfits. Not wear. Curate. As if getting dressed is an art installation at MoMA.

4. A bookshelf isn’t for reading–it’s “a curated narrative of one’s intellectual journey.” Half the books are upside down.

5. They once referred to their Instagram grid as “a curated digital persona.” It’s mostly lattes and feet at the beach.

6. They curated a dinner. The menu? “Charcuterie and vibes.” No forks allowed.

7. Even their text messages are “linguistically curated for impact.” You just got ghosted with a thesaurus.

8. They don’t throw parties–they “curate social collisions.” Translation: overpriced cocktails and awkward jazz.

9. Their dog’s name isn’t Max–it’s “an emotionally curated expression of childhood nostalgia.”

10. They “curated” a playlist for your road trip. It includes three Bon Iver songs and 45 minutes of ambient forest sounds.

11. They curated a workout routine. It’s Pilates, interpretive dance, and denial.

12. Their coffee table is a shrine of curated objects: a candle, a rock, a book with no words.

13. They curate relationships “that align with their frequency.” You didn’t ghost them–they vibrated you out.

14. They don’t shop–they “curate conscious commerce experiences.” It’s just Etsy.

15. Ultimately, they believe life isn’t something you live–it’s something you painstakingly curate until no one wants to hang out with you anymore.

SOURCE: How To Write Comedy & SpinTaxi.com